More than My Size!
Nearly everyone that knows me knows that I have steadily lost weight over the past few years. MAJOR weight–not those last pesky few pounds people usually complain about. Well, today for the first time in FOREVER I went into Old Navy to try on jeans. I had ABSOLUTELY no idea what size I was, because I’ve been SO screwed up over “size” that I usually stuck with what I knew.
As most of you can probably attest to, it seems my “size” is supposed to be a reflection of who I am on the outside. To that I say–Bullshit. I can honestly say that the things I love about myself have NOTHING to do with my size. I love how smart I am….I love how educated I have become…I love how EASILY I laugh and laugh and laugh (haha)…I love that I have a passion for others…and myriad other things! But as I gather all that confidence around me and head out into the world, it is easily torn to shreds when I think about my outside shell. So today I went into the store feeling pretty good. I grabbed a size I thought would “play it safe”….and to my utter DISBELIEF, they were sooooo big I could slide them up and not unbotton them!
So I go back out and got a size I hadn’t seen since HIGH SCHOOL (haha)…and PUT THEM ON! So TONS of things flood through my mind…..1.) Do they look okay? 2.) WHO THE HELL CARES it’s a size I haven’t seen in AGES!! LOL….then I suddenly think, “Oh, my gosh, I’ve become the thing I HATE!” It’s so important for me to like WHO I am, without it being all encompassing of the “SIZE” I am!
So my caution to myself is this: Do NOT get caught up in the outside and let your inside go! Remember, you are more than a size!!